


No doubt about it

by Gilli_ann



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fairy Tale Retellings, Humor, Rumors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilli_ann/pseuds/Gilli_ann
Summary: Young and eligible Frodo Baggins' visit to the Great Smials sets off a chain reaction of rumor-mongering.





	No doubt about it

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The original "There is no doubt about it” was written by H.C. Andersen, and all the character names and places belong to the Tolkien Estate.

_"Oh, what a horrible affair!” said a matron in Hobbiton, where it had not even taken place. “What a dreadful business at the Great Smials! I’m glad I shan’t be alone tonight. It is a good thing that my husband is at home, and my daughters all accounted for!” Then she told a story that made gammers bristle, and gaffers shake their heads in disbelief. And there was no doubt about it._

***

 

 

But let us begin at the beginning, at the Great Smials in Tuckborough, during a visit of Frodo Baggins to that part of the Shire. 

The sun was setting, and the hobbits staying at the Smials were gathering in the great hall for the evening meal. Lasses were milling about, eagerly waiting to catch a glimpse of the newly-arrived, much-renowned, young and charming Mr. Baggins. One lass, in a simple blue dress and demure white shawl, respectable in every way, was sitting quietly down to table. As she did so, she loosened her shawl a little and fanned the exposed skin, for it was quite hot in the hall with so many hobbits present.

“That’s better,” she said jokingly to her sister next to her. “The more I undress, the more beautiful do I look, and the more I’m certain the handsome Mr. Baggins will notice me.” 

They smiled at each other merrily, and with that the talk turned to other matters as the meal was served. The lass thought no more of her little joke, for she was a good lass and extremely respectable. 

Everyone was busy with the meal, and the hobbits sat close together at the tables of the hall. The elderly gaffer sitting next to the girl who joked about Mr. Baggins could hardly eat, though. He had heard, without seeming to hear, as hobbits are often obliged to do in close quarters in order to live at peace, but he could not keep it from the matron on his other side.

“Did you hear that? Did you hear? I shall not mention any name, but there is one lass here who intends to take off all her clothes, every last stitch, in order to show herself off and catch Mr. Baggins’ attention. If I were him, I should despise her.” 

Just next to these two sat the tradesman Mr. Grubb, with his wife and children. The family had sharp ears, and they heard every word that their neighbour said. They were shocked, and Mrs. Grubb admonished her children: “Don’t listen! I suppose you heard what he said? It is hardly to be believed! There is one among the lasses who has so far forgotten what is decent and proper that she undresses completely and preens herself and lets Mr. Baggins see it!” 

Mr. Grubb told his wife, rather annoyed: “Children should not hear of such impropriety.” 

“But I must tell my friend Mrs. Nobottle about it!” his wife responded hastily. “She is such an estimable lady, and she will know just what to say and to do!” 

And as soon as they returned to their home she went to visit her friend and gave her the news. 

“It’s terrible! Terrible!” they soon both stated to the customers in the local butcher’s shop. “Have you heard it? Have you heard? It’s horrible! There is a lass who wanders around stark naked to attract Mr. Baggins, and she will freeze to death, if she has not done so already! Dreadful!” 

“Where? Oh, where?” asked everyone present, aghast.

“At the Great Smials; - I have as good as seen it myself,” answered Mrs. Grubb. “It is almost indecent to tell the story, but there is no doubt about it.” 

“We believe every word,” said the other matrons, and brought the story along with them to market the next day. “There is a lass— some even say that there are two—who wander about completely naked, in order to attract the attention of Mr. Baggins. It is a dangerous game, for they can easily catch cold and die from a fever. Both of them may be dead already!” 

“Listen! Listen!” shouted the local shirriff soon thereafter, stepping up on the platform at the end of the town square. Worry was in his eyes, and he called out loudly: “Three lasses have died because of their unfortunate love for Mr. Baggins! They threw off all their clothes and wandered about naked till they froze to death! It is a horrible story: It should be known to all as a warning!” 

“Let it be known,” said the farmers and their wives, the innkeepers and the seamstresses, the hired help and the miller, the shopkeepers and the tradesmen passing through. “Let it be known! Let it be known!” 

In this way the story traveled from home to home, from farm to farm and from smial to smial, and at last it came back to the Great Smials where it started. 

“Five lasses,” the story now ran, “took to wandering about stark naked, to show off how much each had starved herself for her love of Mr. Baggins. They ended up fighting each other, till blood ran down their poor emaciated bodies and they all fell down dead, to the shame and great grief of their families!” 

The lass who had originally loosened her shawl did of course not recognize this as her story, and being respectable and kind, she said: “I feel truly and deeply sorry for those lasses, but I think there are more like that. Such matters should not be concealed, and I will do my best to get the story into the annals of the Smials, so that it becomes known throughout Tuckborough and will never be forgotten, but remains a warning to future generations.” 

And so the story was entered into the annals, and was read aloud to all, there is no doubt about that. One loosened shawl on a warm summer’s evening may very easily grow into five love-struck naked lasses, when Frodo Baggins is involved.


End file.
